Summer in New Jersey: In Pictures

To paraphrase the sarcastic train station ticket clerk in Dogma, never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State. Each year since our move to Aspen, Lauren and I have spent late June through early August reconnecting with the family back in Jersey. This year was no different, only due to the arrival of the boy, we pushed our trip back a month and a half and stayed through late September. On second thought, I guess that means this year was a little different, huh?  Perhaps that last sentence didn't make any sense.

Anyhoo, the following pretty much sums up our trip:


July 28th: After a three-day visit from my parents -- shown here perched atop the 11,300 foot summit of Ajax Mountain -- Maci, my old man and I pile into the Pathfinder for the 30-hour jaunt across country. My mom, Lauren, and Ryan fly out two days later and meet us in New Jersey. Normally, you'd think a leisurely drive across country would be infinitely less stressful than cramming oneself into a tiny seat for a four-hour flight with a screaming six-week old infant, but then you've never driven with my father. To put it kindly, he struggles with driving at night. And in the morning. And during the day. It's not nearly as much an indictment of his age as it is his attention span.

July 30th: We reach our destination. Lauren hands the boy over to one of the grandparents. We won't see him again for eight weeks, but by all accounts, he was pretty well behaved.

August 1st: A mere 72 hours after my arrival, I inexplicably break out in hives that cover my face and leave me bearing an uncanny resemblance to Patrick Dempsey in Outbreak. The doctor asks if I've been exposed to any possible environmental allergens specific to New Jersey. I suggest Axe Body Spray and Ed Hardy t-shirts. The doctor doesn't laugh.

August 2nd: Lauren's birthday. Nobody seems to notice, as everyone is engaged in a heated discusssion regarding which family member the boy's ears most closely resemble.


August 3rd: The boy's first day on the beach, resting happily in the arms of his Aunt Karen. Not pictured: Karen's three kids, who were found a short time later playing in heavy traffic. 
 

August 8th: Ryan enjoying the calming effects of his "binky." Fascinating father fact #17: Once you have a kid, your daily vernacular will become dotted with words like "fussy' and "binky" that leave you sounding extremely gay sissified less than masculine. Yet the mere existence of that kid is the single greatest proof of your heterosexuality that you'll ever possess. Ironic, isn't it?




August 15th: Maci, tired of dealing with the oppressive heat and the indignity of having to poop in a backyard comprised entirely of tiny rocks, seeks refuge in her new favorite pastime, driving in the Jeep.

August 29th: If you've ever visited Facebook, then you know full well just how unforgiving and unrelenting the duties of a new martyr mother can be. Here's Lauren, frantically trying to keep up with her many responsibilities.

September 7th: My thoughts on Gap's infant line are similar to Millhouse's reaction to the lyrics he was asked to sing after joining a boy band, "Nobody told me there would be boasting."

September 14th: Maci, taking out her summer of frustration on an unsuspecting tennis ball.

September 20th: Here's Ryan, briefly possessed by the spirit of Vigo the Carpathian, a sadistic 17th century tyrant. Luckily, his baptism was scheduled for later in the day, so an emergency exorcism was held at the church. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What a day.

Mere hours later, here's Ryan dressed like  Liberace an angel on his big day and accompanied by his Godmother, Lauren's sister Christine. Not pictured: Christine's two kids, who were found a short time later burglarizing the local 7-11.

September 23rd: Maci pays homage to her fallen favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, and gets barreled by some hurricane surf. Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? Cliffs on both sides! I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand! Indeed, Bodhi. Indeed.

September 24th: The boy spends the morning doing a photo-shoot for Baby Gap Gymboree our fridge.

September 27th: My brother-in-law Rob, shown here while being smoked by yours truly at the 2005 Lake Lenape triathlon, hops into the car with Maci and me for the three day trek back to Aspen. Lauren, after freeing the boy from his grandparents during a brief but spirited wrestling match, flies out two days later and rejoins the family in the mountains of the Western Slope.

September 30th: Reunited and it feels so good.

It's great to be back. More posts soon.