I've Seen a Peanut Stand, I've Heard A Rubber Band, I've Seen A Needle Wink It's Eye...But Now I've Done Seen About Everything

Sorry for the Dumbo reference, but to quote the late, great Joe Buck from the 1988 World Series, "I don't believe what I just saw." This post is apropos of nothing to do with Aspen, but its subject matter is remarkable enough to demand attention.

At 31 years old, I've bore witness to a polar bear riding a freaking unicycle at the circus, but I've never seen Rutgers fans storming a football field after a big win. And I was pretty darn comfortable I'd see the former again before I ever saw the latter. Guess I was wrong.

Rutgers University Shocks Nation With Landmark Signing

The Associated Press
New Brunswick, New Jersey - In a move certain to fan the flames of the "how young is too young" debate, the Rutgers University women’s basketball program announced during a press conference held today that they have signed Nadia Angel Gray to a National Letter of Intent.

Gray, born just hours earlier to Trenton residents Dean and Erica Gray, is thought to be the youngest athlete in NCAA history to officially commit to an athletic scholarship. While skeptics point to the signing as proof that the ruthlessness of Division I athletics is spiraling wildly out of control, those in command of the Rutgers program view the early committment as nothing more than the natural evolution of big-time college recruiting.

“We apologize for nothing,” said Vivian Stringer, head coach of the perennial power Lady Knights. “In this day and age, you either strike early or you become irrelevant. Some university was going to fire the opening salvo in the fight for Nadia Gray, and I’m just relieved that it was us. Sure people will criticize us for signing a newborn, but the criticism would have been much more harsh had Tennessee or LSU gotten to her first.”

Though some may question how a university can accurately project the abilities of a recruit that won’t suit up until the year 2024, Stringer assured the astonished crowd that the decision was based in sound logic.

“We have been watching Nadia’s development for nearly nine months,” Stringer explained. "In addition, we’ve poured over videos of her father’s soccer career, and his freakish combination of strength, speed, and athleticism is simply astonishing.”

“At first, we weren’t sure about the mother, but an athletic department intern was able to procure a video from a Trenton State College sorority party dated sometime in the mid 1990's. The fluidity and agility apparent in the dance moves Mrs. Gray displayed on that video were all we needed to see. We knew right then that we were dealing with a special cocktail of rare athletic abilities, and we couldn’t afford to drag our feet.”

When asked to comment on the groundbreaking signing of her first-born, Mrs. Gray, still immersed in a morphine-induced haze, repeatedly bellowed, “I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!!”

Interviews of Mr. Gray proved fruitless as well, as the proud papa seemed genuinely disinterested in the proceedings, instead asking anyone who would listen, “Who you like in that Oakland game tonight?”

In all seriousness, I’m sort of at a loss for words to describe everything I’m feeling this week. To have my sister and Fat Bob become parents to a third little girl, only to watch my best friend and his amazing wife experience the same miracle just days later, well…to be honest, it’s more good fortune than I deserve.

There’s not much to say about my relationship with Deano. He’s my favorite non-spouse, non-Nitti on the planet. Has been since the day we met, will be until the day I die. No ups, no downs, no highs, no lows, just the best of friends, since day one, whether we were around the corner from one another, or 2,000 miles apart, as we are now.

This goes without saying, but I’m not the best guy in the world. Far from it. But whenever I find myself questioning the person I’ve become, I remind myself, ‘If someone like Dean Gray considers YOU his best friend, you’ve got to be doing something right.” The guy can’t walk into a 7-11 without bumping into half a dozen people who love him, yet he asks me to be the best man at his wedding? That, my friends, is a great feeling.

Erica, on the other hand, means so much to me on a very different level than Deano. As I said, with Dean, it’s just always been there. Erica, on the other hand, had to be won over.

When we first met, Erica thought of me what many do upon first glance: what a jerk. Standoffish, arrogant, borderline obnoxious… and she was right. But for reasons I’ll never truly understand, Erica did what few others have: refused to let me be me. She wouldn’t let me stay in my protective little shell, wouldn’t let me push her away, wouldn’t let me go through life not knowing what a wonderful person she is and growing to love her.

And boy, do I love her. As does my wife, my sister, my nieces, and anybody else that spends more than 10 minutes in a room with her.
So baby Nadia, rest easy knowing that you've been blessed with two beautiful people as parents, and if they love you as they love one another, which they most assuredly will, scholarship or not, you'll be one lucky, lucky little girl.

At least, that is, until they dress you up like this...

Where's Your Pocket Protector Joke Now?

As a CPA, I am subject to more stereotypes and broad generalizations than homosexuals, American Indians, and female Asian motorists put together.

You know the image: stuffy…dull…anal-retentive. Blessed with pasty white skin, thick glasses, and a healthy fear of our own shadow, the only thing less impressive than our sense of humor is our aerobic capacity. I present to you Exhibit A:

Pretty funny stuff, right?

CPAs, it has long been my contention, are subject to more scorn and ridicule than any other profession in America, save for perhaps male nurses.

What’s my point? Well, on Friday I attended a local continuing education class. Aspen has a small number of CPAs, so when a class comes to town, pretty much the entire accounting community turns out. As I took my seat, I looked around and had myself a little chuckle, for even in Aspen – perhaps the most outdoor-oriented community in the country – the cast of characters in attendance looked pretty much like the little guy at the top of this post. Stereotype: 10,452, CPAs: 0.

As Terry Schaeffer stumbled in, groggy and incoherent from waking before 11 for the first time in recent memory, he took the seat next to me. He also surveyed the room, and in doing so, stopped suddenly, leaned over to me, and whispered: “There’s Mike Marolt.”

“Who’s Mike Marolt?” I responded?

Well, THIS is Mike Marolt.



I could attempt an introduction, but it’s probably best if I just link directly from the everestnews.com website:

Mike Marolt is recognized as one of the world's best extreme skiers. Mike along with his twin brother Steve, lead and became the first Americans (first from the western hemisphere) to climb and ski from 8,000 meters. Mike and Steve, both CPA's, became the first Americans to ski from the death zone on Mt. Everest.

I can say with absolute certaintly, that is the first and only time since the dawn of man that “CPA” and “death zone” have been used in the same sentence.

In case that paragraph didn’t take hold, let me sum it up for you. THEY. SKIED. EVEREST. Who skis Everest??? Nobody skis Everest. Even the most genetically gifted and mentally tough among us ascend Everest with the sole goal of survival; I can’t imagine what level of insanity it takes to climb 26,000 feet, look around, and say, “this seems like as good a place as any to click in.”

It’s safe to say, based on any scale or measurement method you use for this sort of thing, the Marolt brothers are serious, serious badasses. And most importantly, their status as badasses strikes a blow for CPAs everywhere. And for that, I am forever in their debt.

If you would like to learn more about the Marolt brothers and their other ski descents including Mt. Rainer, Mt. McKinley, Mt. Saint Elias, Mt. Shishapangma, and…oh, most of the 14,000 peaks of Colorado, please consult your local library. Or you could just click here.

Irreconcilable Differences

Each of us, at critical junctures in our lives , are forced to make difficult choices; choices that will go a long way in defining who we are and what we are to become. These choices are not for the weak; they neither tolerate ambivalence nor leave room for hedging. Due diligence is of little help, for these are choices for which no empirical evidence exists to assist you. Instead, you must take a long look within yourself and ask: what do I believe?

Republican or Democrat? Creationism or Evolution? Good Times or What’s Happenin'?

And or course, when you live in the shadows of four world class winter resorts: skier or snowboarder???

Well, my wife has spoken...

She will be a snowboarder.

This weekend brought the fabled Ski Swap to our town, and it was about damn time. We’ve been hearing about this thing since August. In short, people and vendors from around town bring new and used equipment they no longer want/have room for to the High School, where they are sold off in a two-day frenzy, with 20% off all purchases going to the school district. Like they need it. These schools, after all, have more Escalades in the parking lot than a Wu-Tang concert.

Anyhoo, Lauren volunteered to work the Swap, which of course, meant I was volunteered to work the swap as well. On the plus side, volunteering meant we could shop during closed hours, before the riffraff came rolling through.

We had planned on buying ski boots for Lauren to complete the skis/bindings package I surprised her with in May, but sometime between Friday morning and 6 PM, the plans changed.

Lauren -- and only she knows her reasons -- had her moment of clarity, and decided to forsake two planks for one. She is now a snowboarder, and whether she knows it or not, her life will never be the same.

Clothes will grow ever baggier. A general indifference to all things will soon follow. Dreadlocks are virtually inevitable. Chances are good you guys won’t even recognize her when she comes home for Christmas.

Lauren would have posted about this momentous occasion herself, but she's at work tonight. By work, of course, I mean an all-expense paid trip to Vail consisting of dinner, a night in a ski condo, and the morning at a day spa, all courtesy of the parents of her students. Don’t worry, she’s not alone, as the gift was extended to ALL of the school’s kindergarten teachers.

I must say, either she’s got it pretty good at this school, or I’m the victim of an elaborate ruse and my wife is having an affair. On second thought, maybe it’s best if I don’t think about that too much. Good night.

We've Come A Long Way, Baby

Yeah...baby Megan's gonna' have it awful tough. Three days on the planet and she's already decked out in the finest fleece bib money can buy.

I must say, it's a far cry from my days as an infant, when times were tough and we Nitti's did whatever we could just to get by. The steel mill had just shut down, and my old man was hitting the bottle pretty hard. My mom, God bless her, did the best with what she had.

Every Sunday morning she would sneak out before dawn, swipe the neighbor's Trentonian, pull out the Sunday comics, and wrap me up with Scotch tape and twine. And I had to make those comics last the full seven days, or a beatin' was a comin'.

Do you have any idea what it does to a guy to spend his formative years swathed in Moose Miller cartoons? And Lauren wonders why I'm always skipping work, crashing the neighbors swimming pool uninvited, and using my well-trained parrot to steal gigantic drumsticks from Chester Crabtree's barbeque. It's all I know man; it's all I know.

Fun day in the Sun and Snow

Hi Guys! It's Lauren! I finally had some time tonight to sit down and fill you in on the rest of our weekend. Sunday was a beautiful day so Tony and I decided to explore Buttermilk Mountain's trails. This mountain is the closest to our house so it was just a short drive away (5 minutes). When we got to the base we decided to explore a road that led us to the west side. We ended up hitting the jackpot and landing at the base of a lift with some great snow. So...on the snowshoes went.




Here is a quick video of me snowshoeing!!!! It is really a lot of fun. I don't always use Tony's poles but they help a lot!!!


This next picture is a photo of the resturant at the top of the mountain and the peak in the distance is called Pyramid Peak (another local 14er)
Here I am resting on the ski lift at the top of the mountain. Soon enough I will be akwardly riding the lift with my skis as I get ready to slide off and ski down!


Here is Tony! My ever so patient husband who puts up with my fussiness as I figure out my body temperature and decide just how many jackets to wear or not to wear as we climb.


Here is the fun part!!! It is so much fun and a whole lot easier to run down the slopes in the snowshoes.


Check out these turns! I was quite impressed as I watch Tony ski for the first time! I love the sound the skis make as they move through the powder snow. Looks like a lot of fun huh?

Well here is my first appearance on the blog in a long time but stay tuned because I would really like to share some of the scary Halloween costumes from yesterday on the blog very soon. Miss and love you guys a whole lot!

Never Ceases to Amaze Me

My apologies for the posting drought, but I thought it best to show my newest niece (I'm on a six-neice streak, by the way) her due respect by alloting her plenty of time at the head of the blog. Plus, I know how the ladies like baby pictures. And at the end of they day, it's all for the ladies, isn't it?

Of course, all that was once new becomes old, and sadly baby Megan is no exception. From what I'm told, she's already begging to get her ears pierced, sneaking cigarettes behind the local library, and defiantly informing her mother that "she didn't ask to be born." Circle of life, I guess.

That being the case, it's probably high time I get back to some blogging. Lauren and I were plenty active this weekend, and we've got the pictures to prove it.

Saturday morn, I picked up my buddy Jay under the cover of the last darkness 6 AM will provide for quite a while in these parts. (Thank you very much, Daylight Savings Time.) Our goal was to once again hike to the top of Ajax Mountian, only rather than taking the circituitous route I ascended the previous Sunday, this time we would head straight up Spar Gulch. What we gained in ascending speed we would lose in comfort: the climb up the gulch is steep and unforgiving, particularly with 15-20 pounds on your back.

We got started before seven, and by nine, we were still in the gulch and still yet to see the sun. The gulch, as you can see in the picture above, sits squarely in the shadows cast by the surrounding peaks, and with a swirling wind also commonplace, it can be a cold, dark place.

The hike was too damn steep for a lot of picture taking, so there's nothing else until we reached the top. Total climbing time was a shade under 2:45, meaning the straight shot up the gulch saved us about 30 minutes over Summer Road. The trade off, of course, is tired, tired legs. By the time we reached the summit, the sun was high in the sky, and Jay and I were slowly roasting under all that gear.

The picture above is the view from the summit, and the object of my desire is Highlands Bowl -- the home of the most epic in-bounds riding Aspen has to offer. It's super steep, it holds incredible snow, and it's made with bits of real panther, so you know that it's good.

The bowl should open sometime in mid-December, and with the ridiculous early season base our "October Surprise" storms have left, it should be great riding from the get-go. The red lines you see mark some of the more famous chutes found on the Bowl, and I must say, I'm giddy at the prospect of exploring each and every one of them. Lauren? Not so much.

The skiing on the descent was good, though not great. Of couse, it is only October, so perhaps I may be guilty of losing some perspective. After all, ANY skiing this time of year is good skiing, isn't it??