Rob left New Jersey at 3 AM on Sunday morning, landed in Denver at 10 AM, and promptly jumped into a Subaru smelling of beef jerky and puppy for the next 48 hours of his life. He's a good man, but I knew that long before this trip.
Today was our first day at home, and like with a lot of things in my life right now, I'm dealing with some conflicting emotions. On the one hand, it's great to be back around family, and spending time with my nieces, who are innocently oblivious to my current medical drama, allows me a brief respite from the otherwise relentless thoughts that have dominated the past few weeks of my life. But of course, this comes with a price. Inevitably, the distraction ends and you're forced back to reality, and you remember exactly why you're home as early as you are. The more effective the diversion, the more painful that realization is.
My headaches have also increased in frequency, duration, and intensity, but I suspect they are tension in nature rather than being a portent of something more ominous. I've got to constantly remind myself that in the two weeks prior to receiving this diagnosis, I was feeling just fine; climbing and skiing and running and hiking without a hint of a problem. Then I got the news, and three days later I woke up to a pounding headache that has basically repeated itself every day since.
Now, when looking at this logically, it's quite easy to tell yourself that it's really not medically possible for the aneurysm to have fundamentally changed in that short period, particularly when the doctors tell you that the aneurysm has likely been with me most, if not all of, my life. But man, when your head starts ringing, it's rather difficult to trust in logic. It's much easier instead to convince yourself that something is seriously, seriously wrong, and that's how you end up with a panicked trip to the emergency room like we did on Saturday.
All the speculation and uncertainty should be over soon, however, as I have my first appointment at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia this afternoon. I have a sneaking suspicion that as soon as my surgeon looks at my aneurysm and tells me what he sees, a big part of this guessing game will be over and my headaches will decrease dramatically.
My father has offered to take Lauren and I into the city, which while a nice gesture, now makes the drive to the appointment somewhere between 20-30 times more dangerous than the aneurysm itself.
Lauren and Maci, shown here during simpler times, are doing great. My little girl has spent the past few days frolicking in the back yard, showing off her new tricks for everyone, and sniffing everything in the neighborhood. And Maci's been having her share of fun, too.
Tony, I am not nearly as good with my words as you, and that is clearly why I don't post more comments on the blog, but..I respect you so much and I am amazed by the way in which you are handling everything. Your entries go from making me cry when you talk about how much you love Lauren, your family, and your friends..to adding subtle humor about your dad's driving, etc... Erica was right on when she said Lauren needs to be able to take care of you. Now that you are home, though, you both need to give in a little and take help from the people who love you the most. Lauren, you are absolutely amazing. I am here for anything you need. You will get through this.
ReplyDeleteLove, Lisa
Tony, I am not nearly as good with my words as you, and that is clearly why I don't post more comments on the blog, but..I respect you so much and I am amazed by the way in which you are handling everything. Your entries go from making me cry when you talk about how much you love Lauren, your family, and your friends..to adding subtle humor about your dad's driving, etc... Erica was right on when she said Lauren needs to be able to take care of you. Now that you are home, though, you both need to give in a little and take help from the people who love you the most. Lauren, you are absolutely amazing. I am here for anything you need. You will get through this.
ReplyDeleteLove, Lisa
Hopefully, Nadia's and my butt will be over next week for Lauren to smell:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa:)
ReplyDeleteHopefully, Nadia's and my butt will be over next week for Lauren to smell:)
ReplyDeleteRob is awesome!! I mean really. Who else would know the name of a field-goal-kicking mule?
ReplyDeleteRob is awesome!! I mean really. Who else would know the name of a field-goal-kicking mule?
ReplyDelete